i'm not perfect but i keep trying
by SilentMuse.x
Summary: To them, Jesse St. James was Vocal Adrenaline's star - a soulless automaton. To her, he was simply Jesse St. James – her brother who made her his everything. Jesse/OC brother-sister relationship. Collection of one-shots
1. i'm not perfect but i keep trying

**One-Shot: **I'm not perfect, but I keep trying

**A/N: **I got inspired by a MASSIVE picspam that I made of my favorite non-canon brother-sister relationship in Glee. Story title is from Perfect by Hedley. This fic is also written while playing _that _song on repeat. Arissa St. James is Jesse's younger sister by the way.

**Disclaimer : **I don't own Glee. I'm just playing around a character whose background story we never got to know.

* * *

The first time Jesse St. James got in trouble was when he was in his junior year. He got suspended – nearly expelled.

Arissa had only found out about it when he visited her in the hospital with a purpling bruise on his jaw. He didn't even need to explain. She already knew.

"What happened to _I promise I'm not going to do anything_?" Arissa whispered quietly.

"Do you honestly think that I would let him get away with what he did to you?" Jesse whispered back just as fiercely. He listened to her sharp intake of breath.

"What did you do?" she asked uncertainly, like she didn't want to hear his answer.

"With any luck, he'll be admitted into another hospital in three seconds," Jesse said as he cradled his broken wrist. "Because that's what I said when I called 911 after I smashed his face with a baseball bat."

"_Jesse_!"

* * *

"I'm not doing anything wrong, Arisande!" Jesse yelled at her, his chest heaving at they stared at each other. She stood her ground, refusing to show any fear towards him.

"She's the third one this week!" Arissa shouted back at him, pushing at his chest. "Sex is _not _therapy, Jesse St. James! If you have trouble dealing with what happened to me, go see a shrink! Don't go fooling around with those girls!"

"Don't tell me what to do," Jesse whispered menacingly. He had never felt _this _much anger towards her. But right now, he was _fuming._

"If you just take the time to get your head out of your little world, you might realize that the whole world does _not _revolve around you!" she continued on, ignoring his warning. "I'm the one who was hurt, Jesse! I'm the one who was violated! I'm the one who needs to self-destruct, _not you_. But do you see me self-destructing? _No!_ Because I'm trying to be strong for _you!_ Why won't you try for me?"

With that, Jesse slammed his fist down on the table. Arissa jumped back in surprise. They stared at each other in silence until Jesse spoke. "I'm not Kyle, Arissa."

Arissa bit her lower lip and hardened her gaze. "You're right. At this rate, _you're worse_."

She turned on her heel and slammed the door on the way out.

* * *

When he goes home with a shirt that was haphazardly tucked in with the buttons unaligned and lipstick marks on his cheek and neck that were fading, she just stares at him from the top of the stairs with one hand on the railing. Her eyes are void of emotion as they stared at each other wordlessly.

He was always the one who looked away first.

He paused to listen to the sound of her footsteps, walking away from him.

The feel of her disappointment hangs in the air, like a slap in the face.

He preferred when she yelled.

* * *

When she finished her session with her therapist, he's outside the building – _waiting_. She walks to him in silence and gets in the passenger seat without another word.

She wishes she could tell him her thoughts about therapy – particularly something along the lines of, "_how do they expect therapy to work if they make me tell that horrible experience over and over again_?"

But she didn't want to be the cause of a car accident.

So she just lets him drive in silence.

* * *

He became _hard_ for her. He preferred to be feared than loved for her. If he was loved, people can still find that weakness in him and try and crush him. But if he was feared, if he was a soulless automaton…if he was _perfect_, no one can find weakness in him.

No one will touch her again.

But as she watched him perform with no light in his eyes, she _knew_ that she would be willing to go through that day over and over if it meant bringing Jesse back to normal.

* * *

"I was thinking of dropping the charges," she suddenly said, with her back turned on him. He raised his eyes from the book he was reading to stare at her.

"What?" he asked incoherently, as if he hadn't heard what she just said.

"We're already under too much pain," she continued on because she knew that he heard her. "Maybe dropping the charges can salvage our family. They dropped the charges against _you_."

"What he did to you was worse," Jesse said as he stood up and turned her body so she can face him.

"You caused him to go to a coma," Arissa said with her eyes widening.

"I don't care," he said as he gritted his teeth together. "We are this close to catching that bastard and coma or no coma, I will not let him get away with what he did. We're not dropping the charges, Arisande."

* * *

She doesn't speak a word on the way to the airport. She doesn't say a word when she walks away to go to London. She doesn't turn around to wave goodbye to them.

So he runs after her.

"Do you really need to go?" he asked her softly as she looks up at him. He could see her hardening her gaze. "Can't you just stay here?"

"I can't do this anymore, Jesse," she whispered softly. "I can't be strong for both of us. I want to be able to be weak and to cry on your shoulder but I can't because you'll self-destruct even more. I deserve better than trying to make it look like I'm fine."

"Arissa…" he started but he couldn't find the words.

"Maybe my absence would knock some sense in your head," Arissa said strongly. He raised his eyes to look at her. "Because you're hurting me. You've become someone I can't recognize. I want my brother back. The one who will tell me that everything's going to be fine. To one who would hug me and let me cry to sleep. Where is he, Jesse? Where's my brother?"

"I'm doing this for you," he said as he reached out and touched her cheek.

"No you're not," she said firmly. "You're doing this for yourself."

* * *

One of the reasons why Arissa had liked Rachel Berry for her brother was because when she came back from her seven-month stay at London, her brother had been a slightly changed man. She watched him sing and the light in his eyes was back.

Rachel Berry had made her brother _feel _again.

And because of that, she knew that she would always share Jesse's heart with her.

She knew that she didn't mind.

* * *

When Jesse had smashed that egg on her forehead, Arissa knew it was not out of spite but out of fear. He was already in too deep, enjoying her company far too much.

The feeling of jealousy due to the "Run, Joey, Run" fiasco was the final draw for him. Rachel Berry was making him soft again. He was making her feel – and it was easy for her.

So he broke the egg to protect her. He had to make it look like he didn't care for her – even though he cares for her so much that it hurts – so she would not be the subject of Vocal Adrenaline's future torment.

He had to make it look like he didn't care for her so Vocal Adrenaline wouldn't hurt her to make him hard again.

Arissa saw it as a sign of cowardice – refusing to accept it as a heroic act.

She didn't speak to him until after Regionals.

* * *

Jesse St. James was a lot of things. He was the male lead to Vocal Adrenaline, a student at Carmel High with big dreams, the guy who broke Rachel Berry's heart, the guy who won Regionals for Carmel High, the son whose parents never understood him, the brother who became strong for his little sister and the cold hearted bastard that everyone in McKinley High's glee club hated.

To them, Jesse St. James was Vocal Adrenaline's star - a soulless automaton. To her, he was simply Jesse St. James – her brother who made her his everything.

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry. The plot bunny won't leave me alone.


	2. so ashamed but i need you so

**Chapter 2: **So Ashamed But I Need You So**  
**

**A/N: **I know I said that this would just be a one-shot but my talks with one of my friends at school kept on inspiring me to continue this one-shot (because we kept on talking about older brothers and such. XD) So I guess this would be a collection of one-shots instead. XD This is set before Jesse met Rachel. Right around his sophomore year.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Glee. I only own Arissa. I don't own Perfect by Hedley, I'm only borrowing parts of its lyrics to title my story. Enjoy! I also don't own Stephen Sondheim: A Life by Meryle Secrest. (And yes, the line that Arissa reads is actually from the book. So I'm quoting Meryle Secrest.)

* * *

Jesse St. James had never felt so tired in his entire life. He ran a hand through his wet hair and sighed. His chest was heaving and he felt like something was wrong. The room was spinning and it felt so hot and cold at the same time. He grasped at the railing of the stairs to keep himself steady.

"Jesse!" an excited voice at the top of the stairs called. Jesse smiled softly as he looked up to see Arissa's excited face staring back at him. But her smile instantly vanished the moment she saw his face. She ran down the stairs to settle at his side. "Jesse, what's wrong?"

Those were the last words he heard as he felt his knees buckle.

* * *

"You're awake," Arissa said softly as Jesse blinked back the shock of the light. He tried to sit down but Arissa pushed him back down on the bed. She continued on soaking the cloth in the basin of water and wrung it out. "I told you that you shouldn't strain yourself. You never listen to me."

"Regionals is coming soon," Jesse merely said as he let out a cough. Arissa frowned at that. "We can't really slack off when something _that _big is coming."

"It's not worth getting sick over," Arissa said as she patted his forehead with the damp cloth. "You do know that there is a possibility that you could damage your vocal cords when you get sick right?"

With that, Jesse snorted – with much difficulty. "I'm Jesse St. James. I don't damage my vocal cords."

"Yeah, you just become ridiculously stupid," Arissa told him with a frown. "And you know? To make you feel worse, did you know that guys experience twice the pain when they're sick compared to girls?"

"Thanks for that enlightening piece of information," Jesse said dryly as he let out another cough. Arissa scrunched her nose at that.

"Would you like me to play _Highway to Hell_ on your iPod?" Arissa suggested lightly.

"Please do."

* * *

The doctor had said that Jesse had caught a mild case of the flu. It was mild, _true,_ but considering Jesse did not want his vocal cords to be damaged, it was advised that someone look closely after him. Considering their parents were halfway across the world, Arissa was the only one who cared enough to take care of Jesse.

She still had to go to school in the morning. But as soon as she gets home, she is quick to drop her bag in the hallway and run up the stairs to check on Jesse. Their Uncle Spencer checked in from time to time when Arissa was still in school to make sure Jesse was holding up fine.

Arissa never complained. She would take the soup upstairs to feed Jesse. She would wipe the sweat from his face and body. She would fluff his pillows if he complained. She would play all the songs he wanted in his iPod. Occasionally, she sang – or more like _hummed – _to him whenever he got restless.

"Here," she said as she gave him his medicine along with a glass of water. "Drink. Lots and lots of fluids, Jesse. You gave me hell when I was sick. Expect that I would do the same."

"You chose the worst possible time for payback," Jesse said with a frown as he sat up and took the medicine from her and drank it. "But understandable."

"I won't stop until you get better, Jesse," Arissa told him as she retrieved the glass from him. "I hate it when you get sick."

Even when he had asked her to read Stephen Sondheim's biography to him aloud, she didn't even blink an eye before she got up from her chair and searched his bookshelf for the book. When she found it, she sat back down again and opened the book.

"Stephen Sondheim, a life by Meryle Secrest…" she started softly as she opened the book to the first chapter. "_The San Remo apartment building on Central Park West_…"

* * *

She was on the twentieth page and she kept on going. She only stopped every once in a while to sip on a glass of water to rehydrate herself. She glanced up from the page she was reading to look at Jesse. She smiled softly when she saw that he had fallen asleep already.

She stood up from her seat and adjusted the covers to keep him warm. Deciding that it would be best if she was in the room in case he needed anything, she grabbed one of his spare pillows and settled back in the chair. It wasn't exactly the most comfortable sleeping position but for Jesse, she was willing to make the sacrifice.

When she finally found a position that was semi-comfortable, she closed her eyes and slept with Stephen Sondheim's biography still in her hands.

* * *

When Jesse woke up the next morning, he was feeling much better. He sat up on his bed and looked around his surroundings. He could almost feel his energy coming back to him.

But as his eyes settled upon Arissa's sleeping form, he frowned. She was clearly uncomfortable for she kept on tossing and turning in her sleep. Her face was scrunched in discomfort and her neck was bent in an angle that will surely hurt the next morning.

Jesse knew that he shouldn't strain himself when he _just_ recovered but he couldn't possibly just allow Arissa to sleep in that way. He moved off his bed to walk over to her. He studied her closely and brushed her hair away from her forehead. Jesse smiled softly when he saw that her expression slightly softened with his touch. He also set aside his Stephen Sondheim book that was still in her hands.

He didn't think it was necessary to wake her up to make her move so he did what he did when they were little kids. He scooped her in his arms, with her arms instinctively wrapping themselves around his neck, as carefully as he could to move her back in her room. But it was ineffective because when he took a few steps out of his room, with much difficulty, Arissa stirred and woke up.

Jesse watched as she squinted her eyes to get used to consciouness. She let off a soft yawn and smacked her lips a few times. He watched with much amusement as her eyes widened when she realized what was happening.

"Jesse St. James!" she shouted in surprise. "What are you doing out of bed? And you're carrying me! What is wrong with you? You're supposed to be resting! Put me down this instant!"

But Jesse merely shook his head and kept on going. Arissa sighed and decided that she would be preventing future injuries if she just kept still and let Jesse carry her back to her room. But at the same time, she was thinking of _his _health. What if his body becomes shocked with her weight that he'll probably catch a worse kind of the flu?

"Stop worrying," Jesse told her as he settled her down in her bed. "You're not even that heavy and you room is opposite mine. I only need to take a few steps to arrive here."

"You're supposed to be resting," Arissa said quietly as she moved under her covers.

"Then who would take care of you?" Jesse asked her back.

"I am perfectly healthy, Jesse," Arissa told him.

"So am I," Jesse told her which caused her to raise an eyebrow. "I feel perfectly fine now, Arissa."

"You don't always have to be the one who's taking care of me," Arissa told him as she looked anywhere but at him. "This brother and sister thing goes both ways, you know."

"I know," Jesse told her as he sat on her bed. "But I'm your big brother. You're my little sister. And by taking care of you, I'm already taking care of myself. If they can't hurt you, they can't hurt me. You're the most important person in my life, Arissa. If anything happens to you then I haven't been a good brother."

"Don't say that," Arissa told him with a frown. "You've been the best brother. You've done everything to be the best brother ever. All I'm asking for is that you let me be the best sister."

"You already are."


	3. i am small and needy

**Chapter 3:** I Am Small and Needy

**A/N:** Two updates in less than a week? Impossible. XD But the plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone while I was in the catechetical assembly at school earlier. And I'm telling you _now_ that I _suck_ at timelines. XD This is set around in June (so _summer_).

**Disclaimer**: Still don't own Glee or Breathe Me by Sia.

* * *

_be my friend_

_hold me, wrap me up, unfold me_

_I am small, I'm needy_

_warm me up and breathe me_

- breathe me ; sia

* * *

"Haylee!" Jesse shouted as he ran through the hallway leading to the emergency room. Haylee raised her tear-filled eyes from her hands. She slowly stood up to face Jesse. His stomach lurched when he noticed that her shirt was soaked with blood. "Where's Arissa?"

"She's in the emergency room," Haylee managed out as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I would've called earlier but your parents were here. They told me not to call you and to let _them _tell you. But I couldn't just let you know _nothing_. I tried calling your phone but you weren't answering. I figure you were still practicing so I called Miss Corcoran."

Jesse could still see the color drain from his coach's face before her eyes locked on his. With that one look, he knew something was wrong. He didn't think things were as bad as he thought. "Mom and Dad were here?" he asked softly as Haylee nodded. "How long have you been here?"

"I don't know. Around three hours I guess. I had to miss practice when I saw him with Arissa, Jesse. I was on the way when I saw them. I followed them because I didn't trust him," Haylee sobbed out as everything flooded back to her. "He brought her back to his house, for a drink I guess. I became suspicious so I hid near the bushes. They were taking _so_ long but I didn't think anything was happening because I knew Arissa wasn't that kind of girl." Jesse watched with a sickening feeling as Haylee' face contorted with pain. "I heard her _scream_. I tried to get in the house as fast as I could but she was screaming and I was panicking and her screams were so pain-filled, Jesse. They scared me. And when I got there, there was _so _much blood."

Jesse was about to say something to her – probably something along the lines of the ever robotic response _'it's not your fault_' – when he saw his parents walking towards them. He excused himself to stalk towards them. Surprisingly, he didn't feel scared of their reaction. He wasn't scared that they would be _furious_ with him. In fact, he was _angry_ towards them. _Why didn't they tell me sooner_? Jesse asked to himself bitterly.

He had barely said a word of his long speech about trust when he felt his mother's hand come in contact with his cheek. The act caught him off-guard because of the suddenness but he was lying if he said it was not expected.

"What happened, Jesse?" Juliette St. James started angrily. Jesse just kept his stare to the side, refusing to acknowledge her. "We would've just been gone for a few days and we trusted you with her. All you needed was look after her and _this_ happens."

"You should've told me," Jesse answered back with quiet venom. "She's my sister and I had every right to know. And don't give me any bullshit about me having other priorities. Arissa is at the top of my priority list."

"You should've taken care of her," Juliette said with quiet anger.

"Yeah?" Jesse asked challengingly as he moved his gaze to look at his mother straight in the eyes. "Well, you should've been here."

With that, he turned on his heel and walked away.

* * *

Arissa had been unconscious for three days. Jesse became restless in his room in his Uncle Spencer's place. (Jesse had decided it would be wise if he didn't spend his days under the same roof as his parents.) Spencer kept on giving him hourly updates about his sister's condition but even as Spencer tried to persuade him, he just wouldn't go and see her.

The thought of seeing all the wires that monitor her vital signs, with the tubes that were pumping medicine into her system, stuck to Arissa's body sickened him. He didn't want to think that there's a possibility that he'll lose her.

But when Spencer had called him to tell him that the doctor said that Arissa would probably wake up today, he quickly grabbed his car keys and ran down the stairs two steps at a time. He drove as fast as he was allowed, nearly going past the speed limits _thrice_.

He arrived in the hospital, and was walking down the corridor to his sister's room (his uncle Spencer had most kindly told him her room number), the first thing he heard was hysterical screaming. Worried, he ran faster towards his sister's room and entered. The sight that greeted him was not pleasant.

"What in the world are you doing to my sister?" Jesse shouted angrily as he stormed inside the room. Several of the interns were trying to restrain her while another was trying to inject something in tube in her arm. He walked over to them and pushed them away. "Get off of her."

"Jesse," she said softly with a small smile. He instantly reached out and brushed her hair away from her eyes. "Where were you? When I woke up you weren't here."

"I'm sorry," he whispered back to her as he settled on the seat next to her bed. The interns were slowly filing out of the room. "I'm not leaving you anymore. I'll be right here."

"I'm scared," she told him. He noticed that her eyes were getting droopy. _They probably gave her sedatives_, Jesse thought to himself. "Don't go. Please."

"I'm not going anywhere," Jesse told her as he reached out and rubbed her cheek. She closed her eyes at that. "Just sleep, Arissa. I promise that when you wake up, I'll be the first person you'll see."

He watched as she took a deep breath and kept her eyes closed. Within seconds, he knew she had succumbed to her drowsiness. He leaned back on his seat and kept his promise.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Juliette asked her son when she entered her daughter's room. Jesse didn't even raise his eyes from the Sondheim book he was reading. "Jesse St. James, what are you doing here?"

"She's my sister," he said simply as he turned the page. "I promised her that I would be here when she wakes up and no matter what you say, _Mom_, I'm not leaving."

"Get out," Juliette hissed as she took a step forward. Jesse continued on ignoring her. "Jesse St. James, if you don't get out of her in three seconds…"

"_Mom_," a weak voice warned. Jesse eyes instantly shot up to look at his sister. "Jesse's staying here. He has every right to be."

Juliette ignored her as she grabbed Jesse's arm. "You will get out of here, right _now_."

"No!" Arissa burst out. She started to reach out for him, puling at the tubes and wires connected to her body to get out the bed. Jesse pushed off his mother's arm and rushed to her to calm her down. "Don't leave me, Jesse!"

"I'm not going anywhere," Jesse said as he cradled her face to soothe her. He started panicking when the machines that surrounded her bed starting going berserk. It was only then that he noticed that Arissa wasn't responding to him anymore. "Arissa? Arissa! Mom, call a doctor! Arissa!"

* * *

Apparently, stress after a very traumatic event could lead to dangerous effects to the body. He listened intently to everything that the doctor was saying, taking note of everything that they should do to help her recover.

"Considering she experienced a _very_ traumatic event," Arissa's doctor, Dr. Bennett, started as she raised her eyes from her clipboard. "We need to monitor her for symptoms of post-traumatic stress. She will seem restless and irritable. Unfortunately, the worst is yet to come."

"What do you mean, Dr. Bennett?" Jesse asked with a confused expression on his face. "What could be worse that her injuries? Her cuts? Her bruises? Her burns?"

Dr. Bennett sighed. She heavily disliked having to tell family this kind of news. "Those will fade gradually over time. They will be reduced into scars and those burns will fade within months with the proper treatment. It's the emotional scars that will be the worst. Her memory would force her to recall that night _over _and _over _again. That is what the worst is."

"I thought she didn't remember anything?" Arthur St. James told the doctor.

"That's true," Dr. Bennett said softly. "But every feeling and every image will be burned in her mind for a really long time."

* * *

"What the hell!" Jesse burst out as Arissa just stared at him. "There's not enough evidence to prosecute him? And a restraining order is all you could get? You're got to be kidding me."

"Jesse, calm down," Arissa said as she reached out to touch her brother's arm. "I know that Mom and Dad tried everything."

"Now that's what's rubbish," Jesse said as he whirled around to face Arissa. "Don't you get it, Arissa? Mom and Dad wouldn't try _everything _because that would tarnish their reputation. Do you understand what kind of scandal it would be for them if this comes out in the public?"

"I guess I didn't think of it that way," Arissa said quietly.

"You know what?" Jesse asked angrily as he faced his mother. "Get out! This is the final straw, mother. I won't let Arissa go home with _you_. We'll be staying with Uncle Spencer when Arissa gets discharged and we'll be staying there until you get your act together."

"I will not allow you to speak to me that way, Jesse St. James!" Juliette told his son vehemently. "You two are coming home with us where we could keep an eye on you. You're lucky I'm even asking you back."

"Mom, _please_," Arissa begged as she refused to look at her own mother. "Please just go. I'm going with Jesse. I-I think it would be best for me."

With that, Juliette's eyes became sad. She took a deep breath, took a long glance at her daughter and walked out of the room.

* * *

"Didn't I tell you that you should go to juvie and rot there or I would be responsible for your murder?" Jesse asked menacingly as he leaned back on the hood of his car. He was currently parked in front of the Hayes' residence. He knew that his parents weren't around, giving him the perfect opportunity.

Kyle merely turned around and faced Jesse. "You don't scare me, St. James."

"Yeah?" Jesse asked with a smirk as he pushed himself off the hood of his car and walked over to the passenger seat to pull something out of the open window. Kyle's smile instantly vanished when he saw that it was a baseball bat. "Let's see how far your courage takes you."

With that, he walked forward and swung the bat.

* * *

"Hello? 911?" Jesse's distressed voice asked into the receiver. He _was_ always a fantastic actor. He came back to leaning back on the hood of the car and he was holding the phone with his uninjured hand. "There's a boy here and he's bleeding really badly. He's not responding or anything. He looks like he's been beaten." Jesse paused as he waited for further instructions.

After he gave the address, he hung up his phone with a smirk. He tossed the bat away, not even caring if it could be used to trace the weapon back to him. It wasn't like he killed him. He was just unconscious from the blow at his back and the worse he would get was an injured spinal column and even that was highly unlikely.

There was blood, sure. But it all came from a broken lip and a broken nose. He was sure he heard a few cracks and one was already from him. The blow to the head would probably cause him to go into a coma but surprisingly, as he stepped inside his car and started the engine leaving Kyle there, he didn't care.

He deserved it.

Even as he walked to his sister's room, ignoring the glances of the nurses at his appearance, he still didn't care. Even when he entered Arissa's room and she raised her eyes to look at him, he felt nothing.

_He deserved it_.

"What happened to _I promise I'm not going to do anything_? "Arissa whispered quietly to him.

He raised his eyes in anger. "Do you honestly think that I would let him get away with what he did to you?"

He watched as her eyes clouded with worry. "What did you do?" she asked uncertainly.

"With any luck, he'll be admitted into another hospital in three seconds," Jesse said as he cradled his broken wrist. _Damn it,_ he thought with a frown as he tore off his clearly broken watch_. He broke my watch._ "Because that's what they said after I called 911 after I smashed his face with a baseball bat."

He watched as her eyes grew wide in an almost comic fashion. "Jesse!"

"What?" he challenged as he stared at her straight in the eyes. "Tell me that you think that he didn't deserve it. Tell me that he didn't deserve to get hurt after what he did to you."

She just kept quiet. After a few minutes, she spoke again. "You should get your wrist checked."

* * *

Arissa was discharged from the hospital in August, a mere month before school started. Two months after, it was Jesse's birthday – October 19th. Jesse didn't find the need to celebrate. He just wanted to stay at home with his Uncle Spencer – their parents had unwillingly obliged – and Arissa. (They would come home when they were ready.)

The charges were dropped against him partly because the Hayes family was hoping that the charges against their son would be dropped and partly because Kyle refused to talk. He was free. Kyle wasn't though. When the trial started in late July, physical evidence was enough to prosecute him.

Arissa had a burn on her neck resembling the pendant on Kyle's necklace. Testing rendered it compatible. He was guilty.

He was sent to juvie soon after.

This was another reason why Jesse didn't want to celebrate his birthday. And Arissa was about to give him another reason more.

"Happy birthday," she said with a smile after he had blown out the candles on his birthday cake- all seventeen of them. His parents had updated his bank account as a birthday present. Spencer had given him _another _Stephen Sondheim book. Arissa pushed a medium-sized square box in his direction. "I hope you like it."

Jesse grabbed the box and carefully tore the wrapping paper. He opened the box and saw that it was a watch. He smiled softly. "Arissa…"

"You broke the one I gave you before," Arissa said as she reached out and pulled the watch from the container. Jesse extended his healed wrist as Arissa placed the watch around it. "So I bought you a new one."

"Thank you," he said with a smile.

"And I thought it would be a good gift to soften you up for the news that I'm about to tell you," Arissa said hesitantly. Jesse raised an eyebrow at that. He watched as she exchanged a glance with her Uncle who merely nodded before he reached for something in one of the drawers in the kitchen. He saw him pulled out a big brown envelope before he placed it on the counter. Arissa pushed it towards him, urging him to open it and read it.

He reached for the envelope and saw an unfamiliar logo of a school. He opened it and pulled out the piece of paper in it. His eyes scanned the paper and his eyes widened at the content.

_Congratulations Miss Arisande Ophelia St. James for being accepted in a prestigious student exchange program in Ashbourne College in London, England._

Those were the only words that registered in his head.

"_When_?" he choked out.

"A _week_," Arissa managed out as she struggled to control her tears. "I'm so _sorry_, Jesse. I didn't know how tell this to you."

"Do you need to go?" Jesse asked as he looked up to look at her. She was biting her lip, something she did whenever she was distressed. "Can't you just stay here?"

"I need to get away, Jesse. I need _this_," Arissa said softly. "This is an incredibly rare opportunity. Students from Ohio aren't usually picked out for things like this."

Jesse sighed. It hurt so much but the worst part is that he understood why she was doing this. Even he would jump at a temporary escape to everything.

"When will you be back?" he asked her softly.

"In seven months," Arissa replied tentatively. That was another blow to him. She hastily took a step forward as Jesse listened as her voice grew frantic. "I promise I'll call every day. I'll send you e-mails and everything."

He didn't even notice that he was already standing. She reached out to touch his arm and she stared at him with a quiet sadness in her eyes.

"We'll be fine, right?" she asked him in a little voice. "We'll get through this, right?"

Jesse put on his best show face as he stroked her cheek. "We'll be fine, Arissa. Everything's going to be fine."

Arissa smiled and wrapped her arms around him. Jesse smiled and kissed the top of her head. Somehow, in the comfort of her embrace, he knew his words were true.

_No one will touch you again._

_

* * *

_

**A/N: **Kyle was sent to juvie for two-three months which means he would be out in mid-October to early-November considering he was in a coma for a month and then there's the trial. Arissa also left in October and wouldn't be back until April. Arissa was in the hospital for a month and a half which means she would've been in the hospital until around mid-August. Just so you would get the timeline.


	4. this is my winter song to you

**Chapter Four: **this is my winter song to you, the storm is coming soon  
**A/N: **I know it's been a long time since I last updated but at least this is my Christmas gift to you. Christmas is over here right know so this is a little late but I hope you'll enjoy. And I know that you all open your gifts on Christmas morning but over here, we open it after dinner (which is around after midnight anyways). So Arissa and Jesse open their gifts after dinner. They're impatient that way.

* * *

"Oi, you two! Stop it with the horse playing already! You can break your necks if you keep at that," Spencer called over to his niece and nephew as Arissa struggled to keep Jesse away from the presents with no success. Jesse just kept on carrying his little sister away like a rag doll.

"Uncle Spencer, make him stop taking the…oof!" Arissa's breath was knocked out of her when Jesse hoisted her over his shoulder and started to spin around. "Jesse, stop! You can't open the stupid presents yet! It's not yet Christmas. And put me down! Jesse, I'm getting dizzy."

Jesse gave in to his sister's pleas. After all, he didn't want her to puke all over the place. As Arissa struggled to maintain her balance – the room was spinning rather fast for her liking – Jesse took those few seconds to snag a small gift addressed to him from under the Christmas tree. He shook it against his ear, trying to find out what it was based on the sound it made. "I wonder what this is."

He was surprised when Arissa suddenly swiped it from his grasp. "Not until Christmas, Jesse. You don't even believe in the whole point of Christmas, _why_ do you get gifts?"

"Just because I don't believe that there's a higher power out there, that doesn't mean that I don't deserve the generosity of the people living here on Earth," Jesse said matter-of-factly as he reached out for the gift that was in his sister's hands. Arissa was persistent on keeping it away from him though.

"Not until Christmas," she insisted as she walked past him and placed the gift back under the Christmas tree again. "You'd just have to wait until after our dinner, then you can open your presents. Is it really that hard for you to be patient?"

"Yes," Jesse replied bluntly as he smiled cheekily at Arissa. She merely rolled her eyes at his response.

"Dinner's ready!" Spencer called out from the dining room. Arissa and Jesse exchanged a look before racing in the direction of the food. Within seconds, they were seated next to each other on the right side of the table. Their Uncle Spencer sat at the head of the table, as usual. They were about to say their graces before meals – which only Arissa and Spencer participated in – when the doorbell rang. They all turned their heads in the direction of the front door.

"Were you expecting anyone, Jesse?" Arissa asked as she placed her table napkin aside and made a move to stand to answer the door.

"No," Jesse said truthfully as he too stood up to follow his sister towards the front door. He then paused and turned his attention to their uncle. "Uncle Spencer?"

"Not at all," Spencer replied as he stood up too to properly turn his attention to his niece and nephew, who stood at the front hall. Arissa peeked at the unwelcome visitors from the small peephole in their door and froze. "Arisande, who is it?"

Arissa turned to look at Jesse and exchanged another one of their glances. Jesse pursed his lips as he read the expression in his sister's face. Arissa turned to the door and, with a big sigh, opened it to reveal…"Mother. Father. Hello. What brings you here?"

* * *

The tension in the dining room was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Spencer had moved to the other side of the table to give way to his older brother, Arthur. He sat next to his sister-in-law, Juliette. They barely said a whole sentence to one another. It was completely noticeable to Spencer and Arissa that Jesse's mood was dampened at the arrival of their parents but he dared not show it to his parents. Arissa couldn't even look at their parents in the eye.

"We wanted to surprise you both," Juliette had explained as she hung her coat in the closet. She started to follow her children and her brother-in-law in the dining hall. Spencer pulled out the chair for her to sit down. "We had come from a rather boring convention in Paris and decided that it wasn't worth it."

At that, Jesse pressed his lips together firmly to prevents any – unwelcome – words to come out. "Imagine our surprise," Arthur said in that quiet tone of his. "When we found out the mansion was empty."

"We informed you through voice mail that we let that last nanny go," Jesse said in a perfectly controlled tone. "Arisande and I don't need baby-sitters. We can perfectly cope by ourselves."

"Yes," Juliette said rather fondly as she thanked Spencer for pouring her a glass of wine. Jesse stared at the wine but decided that he would need something _much _stronger than red wine to subdue himself during this evening. "You made a point in that. You made a marvelous job of maintaining the mansion."

"Just because we let the nanny go, that doesn't mean we cancelled your monthly appointments with the cleaning staff," Jesse replied smoothly. It was true though, Arissa thought. The cleaning staff was quite handy with the maintainance of their home. It wasn't that the two St. James siblings were messy; it was just that with them not really using some of the facilities, dust tended to accumulate. Even Jesse and Rachel couldn't be bothered to clean the _whole _mansion up. "You'll find the hedges in beautiful condition, Mother."

"So are the roses and the hydrangeas," Arissa piped in as Spencer settled next to Juliette. "The pool is also maintained weekly, not to mention the fountains – both the front and the back, though we don't really use them that much. We figured we might as well save electricity. We would've written updates but we didn't know if they'd reach you in time." _Or if you'd even care_, she added silently.

"You've made your point," Juliette said with a blank expression. Jesse and Arissa exchanged a look. "We allow you to be unsupervised whenever we go out of the country _provided that_ Spencer will check in on your every once in a while."

"I'd be more than happy to take them in during the vacation," Spencer offered. "I understand that they can't really stay here during the school year considering the distance between here and Carmel but I'd be more than happy to take them in during the holidays. If ever you're away, that is."

"Yes, yes," Juliette said as she nodded. "I suppose that will be alright."

Arissa and Jesse looked at each other yet again and the younger girl let a small smile appear on her lips for a fleeting moment. It wasn't that they needed their parents' permission to stay over at their Uncle Spencer's place – hell, they practically lived there – but it was nice for it to have been made official.

Juliette watched her children with fondness and Arissa set aside her green peas in one move and Jesse scooped them with his spoon in another. She watched as Arissa, without even sparing him a glance, swatted his spoon from taking any of her mashed potato with her fork. When Arissa accidentally hit her glass, Jesse caught it before the water spilled. Spencer was completely unfazed by this, as if it was normal occurrence. For all Juliette knew, maybe it was.

"So, how is school?" Arthur asked lightly as if he was testing the waters. Jesse nearly made a move to shoot him a look of disbelief to voice his thoughts which were something along the lines of '_you're seriously asking us about school during Christmas break_' when Arissa grabbed his free hand from under the table and gave it a tight squeeze – begging him to go along with the charade.

"It's been going well, Father," Arissa said pleasantly. "It's such a shame that you couldn't have come home for one of Jesse's performances. He's been doing _extremely_ well in Vocal Adrenaline that he got promoted to 'captain'. It's a very amazing achievement for a sophomore."

"Oh, so you're still in that little glee club of yours," Juliette said with distaste. Jesse tensed at that and Arissa only tightened her grasp on his hand. "I thought you might've got tired of it by the end of your freshman year."

Before Jesse could say a retort towards his mother, Arissa spoke up. "His participation in Vocal Adrenaline is doing wonders for his school record. They could provide very vital credentials for college applications. His participation could warrant him a good recommendation letter from the principal herself."

"I still think that you should participative in something more…_productive _than Glee club," Juliette said carefully as she placed her fork down.

"Mother,_ please_," Arissa said softly. "Not now."

"Yes, Juliette," Arthur said as he patted his mouth with the table napkin. "It's clear that our son likes being in that little Glee club of his and although we cannot fathom why, we must respect his decision."

"Being part of a Glee club will not help when he runs the family business, Arthur," Juliette said patiently. Jesse laughed bitterly at that. At the sound, Juliette turned to look at his son. "Is there something you wanted to say, Jesse?"

"I'm sixteen, Mother," Jesse started out quietly, his voice rising with each word that he spoke. "I have two more years to decide about things like this. Now will you please just leave me be and let me have a little fun before you put this kind of weight on my shoulders?"

"Time passes quickly, Jesse," Juliette said patiently. "Before you know it, you're eighteen and you will need to make these kinds of decisions."

"What if I don't want to take over the company, Mother?" Jesse burst out as he stood up, throwing his table napkin aside. "Did that thought ever occurred in your mind or were you just too keen on making such rash decisions for me?"

"What are you talking about?" Juliette asked, her patience slowly deteriorating. "Of course you're going to run the company! Who else could possibly take over?"

"Uncle Spencer, maybe? I don't know! Let someone else take over because I sure as hell won't do it," Jesse told her fiercely. "And you can't force me to do otherwise. You cannot make these kinds of decisions for me without thinking about what I want. I have other dreams, Mother."

"And I suppose those dreams include Broadway and the performing arts?" Juliette asked. Arissa did not like the tone in her mother's voice and pursed her lips. "You cannot have a future in the arts, Jesse. When will you wrap your head around that concept?"

At this, Jesse reached his breaking point. "_Thank you, _Mother. Thank for completely ruining our Christmas. You know, we were completely fine without you. You just had to go and do your job as always to completely ruin our lives. We were a lot happier when you weren't here. Why couldn't you have just stared to whichever part of the world you were in and left us alone?"

With that, Jesse walked away from the dining hall and stomped his way to his room. After a few moments of silence, Arissa stood up.

"I'm sorry, Mother. I can't…" Arissa didn't bother to continue her sentence as she followed her brother upstairs, probably to talk to him.

"I think it's best if we leave now, dear," Arthur said quietly as he pushed his plate away. Even _he_ knew when his wife has gone too far. "I think that we have done enough damage."

Juliette let out a loud sigh as she buried her face in her hands. "I think I've already done enough damage even before we came here."

* * *

Arissa and Jesse came downstairs a few minutes after their parents left. Spencer didn't say anything as his niece and nephew approached him and helped him clear the table. It was clear from the red rims around Arissa's eyes that the young girl had been crying. Spencer felt a wave of sympathy washed over him. The young girl didn't deserve to feel like that, especially during Christmas. Jesse had his arm around his little sister the whole time, as if he was afraid that she would burst into tears – yet again – at any moment.

"I guess it's time to open the presents, don't you think?" Arissa asked after the table had been cleared and the dishes had been loaded up in the dishwasher. Jesse smiled lightly as he let himself be dragged by his younger sister in the living room where their presents awaited them. Arissa let go of him so he could sit on the couch while she rummaged through the presents. She picked a rather small present and offered it to her uncle. "Here's one for you, Uncle Spencer."

"Oh?" Spencer asked as he approached his niece and took the gift from her hands. He started to untie the bow attached to the gift and carefully unwrapped it. Underneath a black box and, as he opened it, inside was a gold watch. Spencer turned to look at his niece and thanked her. "You shouldn't have, Arisande."

"I just noticed that you were having some time problems with your old watch," Arissa said with a shrug as Spencer slipped on the watch. "And it kept on stopping. It was obvious that you needed a new one." Arissa then turned back to the presents and picked out one for Jesse. "Here you go, Jesse. This is for you. Come on, look alive! You've been waiting for this ever since before we started dinner. Aren't presents the whole reason why you celebrate Christmas?"

Jesse stood up from his seat and settled next to his little sister on the floor. He didn't bother replying to his little sister's jab. Spencer had taken down their Christmas stockings and offered them some candy that was inside their stockings. Arissa took a lollipop gratefully as Jesse unwrapped his gift. Inside was a black jacket. "This is..surprising."

"I just thought that maybe you'd wear a load of the clothes that I buy you more often if they were the color of your choice," Arissa said thoughtfully as Jesse slipped it on over his black turtleneck shirt. It fit him snugly. "Plus your old one was looking pretty old."

A smile crossed over Jesse's face, the first ever since his spat with his mother over dinner. He reached over and dropped a light kiss on his little sister's forehead. "Thank you," he whispered.

"And here," Spencer said as he reached over to get a square gift from under their Christmas tree and offered it to his niece. "Is a little gift from your brother and me."

Curious, Arissa got the gift from her uncle and started to unwrap it. Inside was a velvet box and when she opened it, it was a locket with her initials carved at the front. With a smile, she opened it and inside was a picture of Jesse and Spencer. "It's beautiful."

"I thought that you would be more comfortable in wearing it if your _real_ family was in it," Jesse told her matter-of-factly. "I know that Mother and Father are our biological parents but you barely know them. They're never really here for us. As opposed to Uncle Spencer and me, we've been here ever since you learned how to walk. We were the witnesses of your first word, your first taste of baby food. We're your family, Arissa because we never left you and we promise that we will never leave you. You're stuck with us."

As much as she wanted to feel guilty for disregarding their parents, she couldn't bring herself to be. Jesse was right. Even though she wanted to love her parents because…well, they were parents, she could bring herself to do so. Because it was true. They were never there for her, _for them. _Their parents had never attended a single PTA meeting or participated in a fund-raising event. They never cared enough to bend their schedules, just a little, to attend a talent show or to watch their children perform during a play whereas their Uncle Spencer pulled every string and broke speeding limits just to hear Jesse sing during their school's 'Christmas Caroling Special'. Here was her brother who woke up at one in the morning just because she had a stomach ache.

Here were two people who have sacrificed so much so she could be raised properly and all she could feel for them was love. _Pure love_ and gratitude.

"Thank you." And Jesse heard her unspoken words.

_Thank you for everything. _

A few moments later, as the two of them settled in front of the fireplace with a mug of hot chocolate in their hands watching the snow fall from the window – their Uncle Spencer was sitting on the couch, flipping through his messages on his phone – they had never felt so contented. Jesse smiled lightly as he wrapped his free arm around his sister's shoulders and shared a look with her because he knew that _this _is what it felt like to be truly happy during Christmas.

_Maybe I can believe in the spirit of Christmas after all,_ Jesse thought fondly with a small smile.

"Merry Christmas, Jesse," Arissa said softly as she placed a kiss on her brother's cheek.

"Merry Christmas to you too Arisande."

* * *

**A/N: **And Happy Christmas to all of you, my dear readers. (The title of the chapter comes from the song "Winter Song" by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michelson. You should listen to it. It's a beautiful song."


	5. my angel gabriel

**my angel gabriel ****  
**arissa/jesse. established arissa/rachel & arissa/puck friendship. jesse is in ucla, arissa is in mckinley. pg-13.  
_arissa misses her brother._

* * *

**Disclaim****er : **I don't own Glee. Or the song Gabriel by Lamb. I only own Arissa. =)  
**A/N: **I've been meaning to incorporate this song in one of my Arissa/Jesse one-shots for a long time but the inspiration hasn't hit me until I heard jewellica's cover of Gabriel. You should listen to it while you're reading this chapter. It's completely _stunning_. You can look it up in YouTube or click the link on my profile. :D Enjoy!

* * *

_I can fly but I want his wings  
__I can shine even in the darkness but I crave the light that he brings  
__Revel in the song that he sings  
__My angel Gabriel  
__Gabriel ; Lamb_

* * *

No one knew - and frankly, Arisande wasn't too keen on making it known - but every time that she passed by the black piano that sat inside the small glee club room whenever she was the first one to arrive, she would often just pause for a moment - just a fraction of a moment - and think of the white one that sat unused in the St. James mansion. She would close her eyes, after making sure that no one was around, and press her small fingers on one of the keys and think of her brother. She missed him terribly so - wishing he never left but, at the same time, glad that he was doing something for himself this time - but as the sound of a single note flowed through the room because of the key she pressed, she would be brought back to that music room in their home…listening to her brother make the most beautiful melody she has ever heard. She would remember how he would place her hands on the keys and taught her how to play. She could hear his chuckles whenever she got frustrated when she couldn't get it and see his long fingers move flawlessly through the piano keys.

It was like he never left. It was like he was right here, with her.

So she would just sigh, step away from the piano and sit down on her seat - the seat that he always occupied when he was still in McKinley. And as she stared the piano, she knew that she would be alright.

Because he would always be there. With her.

* * *

They don't understand. To be honest, Arissa would be surprised if they did. But still, that didn't stop her heart from aching whenever they used his name and the word 'traitor' in the same sentence. That didn't stop her shoulders from tightening, nor her lips from pressing together in a straight line, whenever they spitted his name out venomously.

It pained Arissa that they would always see him as a spy, or as a traitor or even as a filthy human who dared to break an egg over a vegan's forehead (when the said vegan was also his ex-girlfriend) rather than the boy who got his heart broken –_again-_ the moment the egg broke over his ex-girlfriend's forehead.

They don't understand. They will never understand. So she stays quiet, letting them think that he was the bad guy. Someday, they'll stop and know the truth. Hopefully.

But there came a time when it was all too much for her. She quietly asked Mr. Schuester if she could use the choir room to practice the number she was working on for the latest Glee club assignment. (They needed to choose a song that sparked an intense emotion in them, whether it's pain or anger or happiness.) The older man agreed as he probably didn't have the heart to turn the younger girl down. He just reminded her to lock up after she was done. Arissa nodded with a small smile.

All of the glee clubbers were gone, including Brad, so she sat at the piano stool – placing her song sheets on the stand -and placed her small hands on the keys. She just started playing. (She was trying to learn for him. So when he came home, she would have something to show off. She would say, "I told you I could learn. You were just a horrible teacher." And she would smirk at him and everything would be like the way it was. No ache in her heart from missing him.) She didn't know when the tears started falling.

All she knew was that her eyes started to blur and she couldn't even see the keys that she was supposed to press. So she stopped playing. She placed her elbow on the keys, creating a garbled symphony of notes, and placed her head in her hands. The sounds of her sobs filled the choir room and her whole body started to shake.

She wasn't surprised when another person scooted on the stool beside her. She didn't protest when he wrapped a firm arm around her and pulled her close. He let her sob on his shirt, not caring if it was dampened by her tears. He patted-slash-rubbed her shoulder awkwardly, not really knowing what to do in these types of conversations. But he let her cry. (She knew he had accidentally forgotten his football jersey in the choir room, which was why he came back.)

She and Puck reached a strange understanding. Puck didn't try to get in her pants just because she was St. James' little sister because apparently 'he wouldn't stoop that low to make St. Jackass suffer'. And Arissa was the second person, after Rachel, who saw Puck other than _that _guy who beat people up or _that_ guy who had sex with the whole McKinley female population.

"He's my brother." Her voice was slightly muffled because her head was still leaning on his chest but he understood. He felt her frustrations at the disrespect that everyone was throwing at her brother. "It's like they forgot that he's my brother."

"They didn't forget," Puck said softly as she straightened up and looked at him. "They're just being complete assholes." Puck smiled a bit as she scrunched her nose at the term. He could never be used to her discomfort at hearing inappropriate terms. "It'll pass. They just need someone to blame."

"So they're using Jesse as a scapegoat?" Arissa asked with a frown. Her naivety was almost charming. It shouldn't be a surprise. After all, Rachel told her of that time when her teammates threatened to quit the club if she didn't break up with her brother. _They can be quite unfair_, Rachel once told her. _But they're my family. My loyalty is with them_. Yet she knew the young ingénue had chosen her brother, in a way, too. There would be no story to tell if she didn't of course. "You know, every time that they mention Jesse's name is such a _bad_ way…I fight the urge to stand up and stomp my foot and just…_throw a tantrum _that even Rachel would be proud of. But no, I just keep my mouth shut and endure every bad word, every insult."

Puck was quiet for moment, probably choosing the words in his head. (Only the younger St. James could make him do that. It was like there was a word filter in his head that's only active when he's around her.) "They don't deserve your tantrums," he said after a moment, surprising her – and himself, he might add – at his words. "They also don't deserve your tears."

"When did you get this wise, Juvie?" she asked teasingly, using the nickname she reserved only for him. "Is the old badass losing his…. badass-ness?"

Puck raised an eyebrow at her choice of words but decided against commenting on it. Maybe he was becoming a bad influence on Arisande. In response to her question, he only managed a shrug. "Though I swear, Jailbait, if you tell anyone I will deny it. Then I will hunt you down and…"

Arissa cut him off before his crudeness could show. "I get it," she said with a laugh. "Your secret is safe with me Puckerman."

Puck only shook his head as he looked at her. "So, Jailbait," he started as he scooted closer to her. Arissa looked at him suspiciously. But he only reached for her notes. "What are you working on?"

"It's a secret," Arissa replied, making a move to snatch her notes back. But Puck only moved them away from her reach, refusing to give them back until she let him see. Arissa sighed in resignation. "Fine. I guess I could use your opinion."

* * *

"Mr. Schue?" Arissa called on as she raised a hand to catch their coach's attention. Will turned to her with a questioning glance. "I was working on something for your assignment and I was wondering if I could present it to my team mates?"

"Of course," Will said with a nod, as the younger girl stood up from her seat and retrieved her notes from her bag. Then, she walked over to the piano. Arissa had already asked permission from Brad, knowing he doesn't really let other people use his piano without his permission.

To be honest, she was still a little bit nervous as she sat on the piano stool. She knew she was far from perfect when it came to playing the piano. She glanced at Puck and as she saw the thumbs-up he sent her way, she smiled a little at the gesture.

She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. It almost felt like she really was back in the St. James' mansion, sitting beside her brother and watching him play. She smiled a bit at the memory, especially when Jesse grasped her hand and placed them on the keys, urging her to imitate his actions. She didn't know when she started playing.

_I can fly, but I want his wings  
__I can shine even in the darkness  
__But I crave the light that he brings  
__Revel in the songs that he sings  
__My angel Gabriel…Gabriel_

Rachel's breath caught in her throat at the sound of the younger girl's voice. She knew that she could sing but this…this was different. Even with the countless voice lessons that she gave her, she could never teach anyone this. There was such a raw emotion in the younger girl's tone, as if she was baring her soul for the whole Glee club to see.

Arissa picked up the pace of the piano and turned her head to look at Puck. He only nodded, encouraging her to go on. Rachel was amazed at how Arissa was able to create a new version of the song, turning it into something that fit her feminine voice.

_I can love but I need his heart  
__I am strong even on own  
__But from him I never want to part  
__He's been there since the very start  
__My angel Gabriel, Gabriel, Gabriel, Gabriel_

She was working on this song, tweaking the notes and making sure it was still the same song but different in a way, even before Jesse had left for California. She had hoped that her brother could've been here to listen to the song that was dedicated to him from the start. This was her little masterpiece and she was sad that Jesse wasn't here to hear it in its completion.

She remembered clutching the notes in her hands, as she watched her brother board the plane. It was far from complete but she had wanted him to know that she was working on it. She never had the courage.

_Bless the day he came to be  
__Angel's wings carried him to me  
__Heavenly_

A shiver ran down Rachel's spine as Arissa had reached that note. It wasn't because she was impressed since she didn't know that the younger girl could reach those notes but it was because of the raw emotion in her voice. There was so much pain in her voice, so much longing that it affected even Rachel who made it a note to be completely indifferent when it came to Jesse. It was like this song tore open all the wounds that Jesse left which she had desperately tried to stitch by immediately jumping into a relationship with Finn.

She reached up and touched her cheeks, surprised at the wetness she felt. She tried to convince herself that she was just getting carried away by the emotion that Arissa was showing but she knew that it wasn't the case. No matter how much she tried to bury the emotions she had for the older St. James, she knew that she missed him too. He still had a part of her, and no matter how much she hated it…she can never deny it.

Puck smiled faintly as he watched Arissa perform. She had completely blown him away when she played the piece quite roughly a few days back but he had never expected her to be this good. He clutched the phone he had in his hands, which he swapped quite stealthily before the younger girl had performed – Arissa would get it back before she noticed it was gone. (He sat next to for this reason, after all. He knew she always kept her phone in the side pocket of her bag.) He didn't know if the older St. James had answered when he first dialed his number – if he didn't, it would go straight to voicemail anyways – but based on the vibrations he felt, he knew he was listening.

_I can fly, but I want his wings  
__I can shine even in the darkness  
__But I crave the light that he brings  
__Revel in the songs that he sings_

Rachel felt her façade cracking as she continued to watch Arissa's performance. There just came a time when she was so deep in her pain that she completely forgot that this girl, this _young _girl, was still Jesse's little sister. She was still _completely _devoted to him. He raised her. He cared deeply for her. And he loved her.

She frowned as she remember all the times that her teammates had thrown insults at her ex-boyfriend when he was gone, remembered all those times that the younger girl's shoulders tightened as if she was restraining herself from throwing a fit. She remembered being silent despite knowing in her gut that all of the insults were hurting Arissa, as if she was the target of all the insults.

She knew this was her way of saying how Rachel's indifference was hurting her. She was singing all the pain she bottled up when she chose to stay after her brother left. She turned away from Arissa, only to turn to Puck. (She smiled at the thought that Jesse would probably disapprove so much of her friendship with Puck.) He only sent her a vague shrug, and turned his attention back to Arissa's performance.

_I can fly but I want his wings  
__And I can shine even in the darkness  
__And I crave the light he brings  
__I can fly, I can love, I can shine  
__Even in the darkness, Gabriel_

As the music faded into the background, as with her voice, there was silence in the room. Rachel was vaguely amused at that. She had completely shocked New Directions into silence. There continued to be silence even as Arissa stood up and stepped away from the piano.

"Look, I know that you all think not so greatly of my brother," Arissa said quite loudly, making sure everyone understood what she was saying. "To say that you think that he's the human incarnation of Satan is quite the understatement. But I think you're forgetting that he's my _brother_. He's my brother who made a mistake. But he wasn't a spy. He wasn't a traitor. He only wanted for Rachel to meet her birth mother. And then, _he was done._

"I don't know what you're trying to achieve by saying his name in such an ill manner but he did not leak set lists. He did not divulge information about your dance routines because newsflash, Vocal Adrenaline does not need spies to win. I am in no means justifying his actions towards Rachel, but that's the point. He did it _to Rachel. _Not you.

"I don't think you all understand why this is hurting me so much but he's my brother." Her voice dropped into a whisper now. "And he took care of me and he raised me and he loved me. To me, he is perfect. I love him. So unless your name is Rachel Barbara Berry, I advise you all to shut the hell up. Because you're just being mean by insulting him."

There was no one who argued. Not even Puck, who had threatened to "mess with that Jesse kid's face". Rachel's only action was to stand up from her seat and wrap her arms around the younger St. James.

"This doesn't mean I like you, St. James," Puck whispered into the phone as he ended the call. He dropped the phone back in Arissa's bag as subtly as he could. Damn, the things he would do for his jailbait.

Jesse sat back on the bench where he was sitting, staring at his phone, completely overwhelmed by what he heard. He hated that she was experiencing so much hell on his behalf but she had insisted when he called once that it was her decision to stay and all of the hell she experienced was because she stayed so it was her own fault.

Still, that didn't mean that Jesse liked it. But she didn't want his little sister back in Carmel High without him to look after her. (He knew Haylee was busy with both Vocal Adrenaline and academics since she was in her senior year now.) He was aware of the weird friendship that developed between her and Puckerman and, though he didn't like it very much, that would mean someone was looking out for her.

He was surprised at how much pain there was in her voice. (He was even more surprised by the quality of her voice. It seemed like Rachel did give her voice lessons, even after he was gone.) She had sounded so normal every time he talked to her on the phone. He shouldn't be surprised. His little sister was, after all, a master at masking pain.

But still, he was touched at the song. He knew it was meant for him. He wasn't being cocky or anything but it was _their _song and theirs alone. It was so beautiful that he just wanted to go home and wrap his arms around his sister. He missed her much more than he could possibly imagine.

Maybe he should go home soon.


End file.
